apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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