would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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