Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
