Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize