They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
