peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
