Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
