you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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