Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize