We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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