why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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