where am i from again
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
