Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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