if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
