I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
