I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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