So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
