She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
