Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
