I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
