oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
