she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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