I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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