I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
