I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
