So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
