I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
