Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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