He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
