So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
4 words: hood of his car
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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