Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I would fuck him just for his dog
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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