I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
