This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
