I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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