in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
