The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
