I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
