Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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