dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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