i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
