Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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