How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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