I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
