My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
