well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
