I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
