Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
