Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
