I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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