he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
