Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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