I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
