I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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