Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
