Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
