im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
