FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
