so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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