I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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