I think I won the penis lottery.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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