I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
