Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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