I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
