Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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