thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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