when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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