so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
